Rough day for Michael Phelps and his mom

Now how would you like to be Debbie Phelps?

Everybody is talking about your son's latest indiscretions. Pictures of his alleged bad behavior are plastered all over the Internet. Corporate sponsors are wondering who they paid all those millions to. Swim officials are in a panic.

Rough day.

Debbie's son, of course, is Michael Phelps, who has won more Olympic gold medals than anyone in history. In case you missed it, over the weekend, photos surfaced of Phelps supposedly at a party in South Carolina last November smoking what apparently is marijuana from a glass bong.

Phelps was supposed to be in Tampa for the Super Bowl. He canceled his plans. His sports marketing firm - the one that has landed him a reported millions in endorsements - put out a statement in Phelps's name. "I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment. I'm 23 years old, and despite the successes I have had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner that people have come to expect from ome, For this I am sorry, I promise my fans and the public - it will not happen again."

Whether there will be more "youthful" mistakes, I couldn't predict - and either apparently can Michael. In 2004, at age 19, he made pretty much the same statement after he'd been pulled over for running a stop sign and charged with driving while intoxicated. I don't remember his exact words at the time; they were something like: "If you're worried about this happening again, don't."

The Phelps family got through that one, and no doubt will weather this storm too - Michael with his mom at his side. Debbie, a principal at a middle school, is a force of nature. She's a vivacious, outgoing lady. She lives in Baltimore. I live in Baltimore. Her son and daughters trained for years at Meadowbrook Swim Club. I am a member of the club. (Now Michael is a part-owner).

I've interviewed Debbie and asked about her concerns with the parents of young swimmers now coming up in the sport. She had some memorable things to say. Mostly, that adults need to back off and allow their kids to swim for fun, not turn them into stroke machines. "“Parents just need to chill. Realize that it doesn’t help to set expectations, especially unrealistic ones," she told me.

I searched my notebook from that interview this morning looking for another quote that hadn't made it into earlier articles but seemed to apply very nicely to the news about Michael today.

Debbie had told me: "Love [your kids] for who they are, whether they swim the fastest [butter]fly or finish eighth in their heat."

If she's like most parents, this morning Debbie is feeling a mix of emotions, many of which are making her see red. She's probably disappointed, sad, angry, regretful and maybe a little disbelieving all at the same time.

But in the end, I have a feeling she'll take her own advice. She'll love her kid.

Michael Phelps, SI's Sportsman of the Year

One word for the Michael Phelps' profile in the current Sports Illustrated - the Sportsman of the Year issue: terrific.

SI's Alan Shipnuck goes deep inside Phelps' world, deeper than previous stories I have read. There are a number of good insights into childhood experiences that shaped the Phelps we know. Also, some interviews with Baltimore locals who remember a kid intensely driven (internally, if not parentally).

This is from the piece: "When Michael was 15, he told me he wanted to change the sport of swimming," says Cathy Lears Bennett, the instructor for Meadowbrook's swim school who taught a seven-year-old Phelps to swim. "It was like, 'Yeah, right, who told you to say that, kid?' But he always had a vision that swimming could become important to American fans."

I take exception to one throwaway line in Shipnuck's piece, as a member of Meadowbrook, the anything-but-glamorous fitness club in Baltimore where Phelps and dozens of other Olympic hopefuls train - and I stay, um, fit. It's the one in which the reporter describes the diverse clientele at Meadowbrook. "When Phelps resumes training next month, he will sometimes find himself in a lane next to kids in swim diapers or seniors trying to loosen up arthritic joints."

Watch whose joints you're dissing, bud.

Debbie Phelps to swim parents: Chill

(A longer version of this post appears at the Beacon Press blogsite.)

Not long ago, I spent some time in the principal’s office – about 45 minutes in a hardback chair, if I recall correctly.

I’ve been thinking about that visit and about the principal of Windsor Mill Middle School outside Baltimore, Debbie Phelps. Debbie will be in Beijing for the next two weeks for the Summer Olympics, which begin Friday. Her 23-year-old son, Michael, will be there too. Michael is the iconic American swimmer of whom much is expected by U.S. sports fans. He will be the favorite in every race he enters during the Summer Games. A record eight gold medals is a possibility. Fewer than six for Phelps would be a stinging disappointment. It’s a good thing Michael Phelps has the broadest shoulders on the planet. He’ll need them to carry those outsized expectations.

When I went to see Debbie, it was evident that I wasn’t speaking to just another sports mom. We spoke about a trip she was planning to see Michael swim. Rome or Vienna or someplace similarly distant. She mentioned her own literary project, a book she would be writing about her experiences poolside, a guide to raising a humble, well-adjusted world record holder.

In other ways, I was struck that her story was so utterly unexceptional.

She had three kids, Michael being the youngest. She and her then husband lived in rural Maryland in a home surrounded by five acres. “I got the kids involved in as much as I could: baseball softball, gymnastics, tap, ballet, scouts. Michael was never a scout. But the girls were scouts,” she told me.

The family belonged to a swim club. Debbie says the main attraction was for her children to learn water safety. She wanted them to conquer any fears early in life. In short order, the two girls were on the club swim team. Then champions. Then dreaming of the Olympics.

The Phelps sisters were such hotshots, a swim club in Baltimore more or less recruited them to join the swim team. Debbie shuttled them to practices with a new baby. Boy Michael spent hours, days, at the pool. “Michael grew up with the smell of chlorine. It was such a natural environment for him,” Debbie explained.


There’s more, obviously. I devote several pages to the Phelps family in my book.

As I sat with Debbie Phelps, I asked how she saw the role and responsibilities of a parent whose child is a superstar athlete. She told me that parents frequently approach her, asking the same thing. With a laugh, she also explained that they tell her she is a role model for them. Hard to say exactly what about Debbie they were modeling. Or maybe not so hard. My guess: raising the best swimmer in the world.

“People often wait around to speak with me, to ask questions. Like, “My son was 9 he was doing this, and when he was 11 his time was that. They’re looking for answers. I just say, parent your child. Love them for who they are, whether they swim the fastest(butter)fly or finish eighth in their heat.

“To me, there’s a very fine line between the athlete, coach and parent. Everyone has their roles. If you sat here right now and told me you’d give me $200 million to recite Michael’s world fly record, I could not tell you that. Yet there are parents whose child is trying to beat my son who can spit out those things. I don’t get involved in that. I talk to Michael as a parent.”

I asked Debbie what concerns her about the parents she runs into at swim meets.

The answer was somewhat impolitic. Yet it sounded like one that would come easily to a middle school principal. “They nag too much,” she said.

“They go to an athletic event and their kid isn’t doing their best time. They get upset with the child. They think that it always has to be better, better, better, better, not realizing that even for the most talented swimmers it’s a progression.”

“Parents just need to chill. Realize that it doesn’t help to set expectations, especially unrealistic ones. Put yourself in their shoes. Do you map things out so carefully in your own life? Such as, I am going to be CEO of a company? Does it fall out in nice little pockets? Same with kids. Their progression is not going to fall into nice little pockets. There may not be another Michael Phelps for decades, even though, I have parents tell me their son is on the same track.” As I left her office, I asked Debbie to let me know when her book was coming out, and told her I would very much like to read it. I suggested a publication date well after mine.